Time To Be Slow

By John O’Donohue

This is the time to be slow,

Lie low to the wall

Until the bitter weather passes.

Try, as best you can, not to let

The wire brush of doubt

Scrape from your heart

All sense of yourself

And your hesitant light.

If you remain generous,

Time will come good;

And you will find your feet

Again on fresh pastures of promise,

Where the air will be kind

And blushed with beginning.

Me And My Pacemaker – our growing attachment

Here I have attempted to write a personal narrative expressing the goodness of God over recent weeks. I believe this will serve me in two ways: first, by becoming an aide-mémoire, second, by providing therapeutic properties for my heart and mind.

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Symptoms

Breathlessness, significant energy loss, a chest infection and throaty cough, ‘prickly skin’ (but no rash) at night – all conspired, along with my wife’s insistent bullying, to constrain me to call my local surgery asking for a GP appointment. Not as simple as it sounds while in the icy grip of a global pandemic, which has played havoc with social norms, especially relating to the National Health Service. Unsurprisingly my first attempt met with, ‘If you want a telephone appointment you will need to phone at 8am on Monday’ – (this was Friday morning)

Obliging, at the stated time on Monday (14/12) I called the surgery, only to hear an answering machine, repeating, ‘Your call is important to us, please wait for the next available agent’.  More than 20 minutes pass, and I’m on the brink of hanging up when the phone is answered by a real human being. I briefly explain the symptoms. I’m advised there are only telephone appointments because of Covid-19 and I’ll be put on the list for a slot between 9 and 12. I ask if I may have a more precise time, which I’m told is not possible as the GP cannot predict how long each call may take. I seek re-assurance that I’m on the list and this is given.

Consultations

A doctor I didn’t know called around 10.30am and we talked for 30 minutes or so. I was asked to give blood at the Keepmoat Stadium (Doncaster Rovers FC) which I did that afternoon. Early the following morning (15/12) I read these remarkable, and pertinent, words among my allotted Psalms of the day: “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever” – Psalm 73:26 … they were accompanied with a special sense of peace.

The surgery contacted me a day later, asking me to go in to discuss my blood results with Dr Umapathee, and to have an ECG. Thankfully I was free to do so. After many searching questions and a thorough examination, Dr Uma indicated that he thought we were dealing with “the beginning of heart failure”. I could hardly believe this, in spite of having seen the above-mentioned Scripture verse the previous day, but Dr Uma went on to say he would arrange for me to speak to a Cardiologist, and to get a Chest X-ray. In fact this was done very quickly – a telephone appointment made with a Cardiologist for Christmas Eve, and a Chest X-ray scheduled for New Years’ Eve.

I must admit the next few days were a bit of a blur, as Sue and I talked together, chatted with friends and sent out requests for prayer. We received many encouraging messages of support on social media, and during my devotions through this time several passages of Scripture stood out to me. As I approached my 69^th birthday (Sunday 20^th Dec) I was moved particularly by phrases which spoke of being ‘even more fruitful’ and of ‘still bearing fruit in old age’.

Wired For Evidence

On Monday 21^st I received a call from the Cantley Health Centre asking if I could collect a 24-hr monitoring device. Unknown to me Dr Uma had also requested this on my behalf. I was able to collect it that day and was ‘wired for evidence’ at around 4pm. The pendant-shaped device was hung around my neck and attached by several wires to my chest area. This meant I didn’t manage much sleep during that night due to considerable discomfort.

I returned the monitor, as agreed by 3pm the day after. Then, for the next few hours, we drove to friends and relatives delivering Christmas presents, and on the return journey diverted to Sainsbury’s to do some shopping. Moments after arriving home I was called by Sarah Ashurst of Broomwell Healthwatch, Manchester. She explained that they received results from 24-hour monitoring devices, and after studying my results she was extremely concerned to see abnormal patterns which suggested I had “entire heart block”. She had tried contacting me for a couple of hours and urgently advised me to get to A&E at the Doncaster Royal Infirmary immediately, taking an overnight bag. Within 30 minutes of her call we were on our way.

A&E and CCU

I registered at A&E around 7.15pm, but Sue was unable to stay due to Covid-19 restrictions. It looked rather busy, and I wondered how long I’d have to wait. After around 45 minutes it came to mind to investigate if my ‘results’ had come through from Manchester. When I mentioned ‘entire heart block’ to the receptionist she took me straight away into the treatment area. My ‘notes’ were being typed up by a staff member, who, after ascertaining more details, allocated a trolley and quickly had me wired up for an ECG. Minutes later I was wheeled through to the Resus. Department, where I was fitted with a cannula and put on a monitor. It was clear they were acting with appropriate urgency and care.

Lots of questions and readings later I was administered a ‘potion’ intended to increase my heart rate, which they were extremely worried about. Around 10pm the senior consultant, Dr Singh came around and said, “You are very lucky, they have a bed for you on the Coronary Care Unit (CCU) and you will be transferred there shortly.” By 11pm I was installed in a 3-bed bay on CCU (also Ward 18). Two of the beds were already occupied by elderly ladies. I was not permitted to use the toilet facilities, even though they were opposite my bed, but handed a bottle to relieve myself – perhaps the most difficult manoeuvre in the entire drama !

Questions and more questions, wires, monitors, comings and goings, buzzings, bleeps, ringings, groans & coughs from the other patients. A drip was set up to keep me hydrated. I was offered food at 12.30am, so opted for a cheese sandwich with crisps and a cup of tea. Throughout the night I was observed every hour – BP, temperature, pulse, oxygen sats, with little or no sleep possible in between, until 5am when the observation regime changed to every 2 hrs.

Introduced to my Pacemaker

After the day shift started around 7.30am there was a noticeable increase of activity. Russ introduced himself: “I’m the nurse who will be looking after you today”. I was provided a basin & water for ablutions, then a breakfast of cornflakes & tea. The regular observations continued until the morning’s main event – the doctor’s round. Arriving at the foot of my bed around 10am the young-looking consultant informed me that I was to be fitted with a pacemaker, and hopefully there would be a slot available that day, if not I would be kept in until Wednesday, after the Christmas break. This obviously focussed my mind and prayers ! I enquired about ‘entire heart block’. He explained how the upper & lower heart chambers had stopped talking to each other. “What caused this”, I asked and was told it was ‘wear and tear’. “So you’re telling me I’m getting old ?’ I quipped, then ‘Don’t worry, I can take it !’ – the consultant smiled wryly and simply moved on !!!

An hour later information came through that indeed a slot was available that afternoon for me to have the procedure. “You’re a very lucky man” was the nurse’s comment as she broke the good news. I learned later that a senior Cardiologist would be doing the procedure. Apparently Dr Gill Payne was called in to do a similar procedure for a local Councillor and had agreed to fit me in ! I would describe this as ‘divine’ rather than ‘luck’.

After this confirmation I was prepared for Cath Labs. given a strong anti-biotic to prevent infection, and by 1pm I was being fitted with a pacemaker after a local anaesthetic. The atmosphere in theatre was totally relaxed throughout with constant conversation and lots of banter among the team. We chatted about various subjects: comments on the procedure; questions about family, about favourite music – e.g. Dr Payne asked; “Who is the world’s greatest guitarist ?”

After 30-40 minutes I was back in CCU, but not permitted to leave the bed for an hour or so. My first ‘adventure’ was to the loo opposite, which I found an immense relief. Then it was off for a chest X-ray to confirm all was well. The only really negative moment of my stay in hospital was a 40-minute wait for a porter to return me to CCU after the X-ray. After a sandwich and some fruit, I was told that I would be moving to another bay (4 beds) with a couple of elderly men. During the move I discovered my mobile phone, which I thought I’d left at home, as I was unable to locate it the previous evening, and was able to make contact with Sue. We exchanged texts for quite some time. The move did make for an easier night, with only occasional disruption (every 4-5 hours for observations)

Christmas

The next day was Christmas Eve. Breakfast was offered and I enquired if there were eggs on the menu – only to be given a bit of a stare by the care assistant. “Oh sorry, it’s not the Hilton is it, we’re at DRI aren’t we?” I laughed. I’m not sure it went down too well (sometimes you can’t tell when a person is wearing a mask !) There was talk of going home, but it seemed I would have to wait for the doctor’s say so. After waiting until around 10am the staff nurse came in & told me I could contact Sue to come for me, as I was being discharged. The doctor didn’t need to see me after all, and in fact I could have gone home the previous evening. After Sue arrived we gave the Unit a Christmas gift, a tin of biscuits. We were home for midday. As I was unable to connect to the internet while in hospital, I spent ages just looking at messages of support on e-mail and social media, being amazed and uplifted to read so many messages from family, friends and acquaintances.

Now, questions turned to what to do about our plans to visit family in Chesterfield for Christmas Day. Already plans had been re-shaped because of the Covid-19 pandemic, and the restrictions of living in Tier 3. This was certain to be a Christmas like no other. A decision was then made easy for us when a near-neighbour came round and offered to provide Christmas Dinner for us, due to a change in their own circumstances. It was a no-brainer – we would cancel our proposed visit to Chesterfield (not that I felt up to travelling !) Later, on Christmas Eve afternoon I was really blessed by the showing on TV of my favourite film, Shadowlands – remarkable for the performances by Anthony Hopkins and Debra Winger.

Christmas Day, although unusual, was a great blessing – remembering the reason for the season through carols; exchanging gifts with Sue; chatting and drinking with neighbours, Linda and Stuart, who came round to us; eating a lovely Christmas Dinner, provided by Jackie and Steve, and delivered straight to our door; watching ‘Call The Midwife’ – along with other very restful things.

Family

Though prevented, by restrictions and health considerations, from seeing either of our children (Mark or Miriam) over Christmas, nonetheless we were really blessed by Mark’s brief visit with two of the grandsons – Oliver & Jacob – on 29^th December as we celebrated Oliver’s 12^th birthday. They didn’t stay long, but it was so refreshing to see them. Then, on New Years’ Day we got to see our daughter, Miriam, with her husband.

Epiphany

A Christian Feast on Wednesday 6^th January which commemorates the visit of the Magi (wise men) to see Jesus – I posted about this Bible story on Facebook: “Reason took them to Jerusalem, but revelation led them to Bethlehem“. This year Epiphany coincided with the start of England’s third major lockdown, another attempt of the UK government to stop the spread of the virus. My readings in the Psalms included Psalm 27, which starts with, “The LORD is my light and my salvation…” and the stand-out verse was v.13, which states: “I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.” I took great encouragement from those words with their ‘prophetic significance’.

Onward And Upward

Writing this final section three weeks after the pacemaker was fitted I can say that it has made an immediate difference to my quality of life. Although I’m only very slowly getting used to it, and still feeling some discomfort, I have not had any breathing problems, and have been taking regular walks around the village (and on Tuesday 12^th January even further afield) with my energy levels rising each day.

I was asked the other day: “How are you feeling now you’ve had a few days to reflect?” – well, I’m feeling greatly relieved, superbly relaxed and enormously grateful … yes, I am so grateful:

• to all who offered prayer and support;
• to the wonderful staff at Doncaster Royal Infirmary’s A&E and CCU departments;
• to my long-suffering wife for her unfailing support;
• to the Lord for restoring me to health through the amazing work of the NHS

And finally … thanks to all who managed to read this far – you’re true heroes !!