Debacle

A word used frequently by analysts and reporters to describe the discomforting events in Afghanistan following stunning successes of the much-despised Taliban – DEBACLE. For example: “But what is clear is that a predictable debacle is now unfolding under Biden’s watch in Afghanistan.” said Peter Bergen, CNN, 12 Aug. 2021

Even more recently employed by Mark Spencer, of the “i” newspaper, in reference to a botched attempt to rip up anti-sleaze legislation in the House of Commons he describes it as ‘the Owen Paterson debacle’.

According to Google’s English dictionary the word signifies ‘a sudden and ignominious failure’. Merriam-Webster defines ‘debacle’ as: ‘a great disaster’ or ‘a complete failure’, and further explains its etymology: “Debacle derives from the French noun débâcle, and from the verb débâcler, meaning “to clear,” “to unbolt,” or “to unbar.” The verb is from Middle French desbacler, a joining of the prefix des- (equivalent to our de-, meaning “to do the opposite of”) with the verb “bacler” (“to block”). In its original uses, “debacle” meant a breaking up of ice, or the rush of ice or water that follows such an occurrence. Eventually, “debacle” was used also to mean “a violent, destructive flood.” Naturally, such uses led to meanings such as ‘a breaking up’, ‘collapse’, and finally ‘disaster’ or ‘fiasco’.

Undoubtedly, my well-experienced readers will be all too familiar with personal and corporate ‘debacles’ of which they’ve been a part, and we could spend many an hour debating the accumulative ‘debacles’ of the political, religious and business fraternity (just for starters)

The older I get the more I am confronted by childhood memories – and here are four of my finest debacles:

• Lying to my best friend’s mum about his whereabouts as she called him in for bed-time – not a smart move, especially when she told my parents and I was appropriately disciplined.
• Cheating at school during a chemistry exam – quickly discovered by my teacher when the ‘mate’ I’d colluded with & I were the only ones to get the same incorrect answer – more un-smartness.
• Bunking off school to avoid a physics test, then attempting to ‘thumb a lift’, but managing to get picked up by the police as a suspected escapee from a local prison (I obviously looked the part in my well-worn donkey jacket)
• Engaging my dad in a fist-fight after arguing with my younger brother – with some fairly serious consequences (especially guilt and shame & relational breakdown).

In the course of more than 35 years of full-time pastoral ministry – in Immingham (15 years) and Brigg (20+ years) I contrived to preside over numerous ‘debacles’, which I look back on in horror, mainly because of the detrimental effects on others:

• Deciding to introduce ‘membership’ into the Immingham Church, which I pursued with the tact of an elephant, and the legalism of a Pharisee.
• Appointing people (at least twice) into the office of senior leadership, who were utterly unfit for such a vital role
• Insisting on implementing a ‘vision’ of cell-style church in the Brigg Church, with which neither of my associate leaders agreed – resulting in a serious schism.
• Stepping aside from full-time ministry after a series of pressure points which wore me completely down (and which I wrote of in an extremely raw piece: https://wordpress.com/post/stryka66.wordpress.com/4557

The Epic Fail (Debacle) of all time is narrated in the first book of the Old Testament – Genesis. It involved the first couple – Adam and Eve – in an act of direct disobedience to Creator God, the consequences of which we are all living with daily in our own lives, and seeing all around the world.

Known by theologians as the Fall it defines a moment in time when human beings declared and asserted their independence of their Maker, bringing death upon mankind (and the multitude causes of death).

One serious outcome is our persistence in denying this Catastrophe (in the same way that misguided souls deny the Holocaust), and so failing to understand that, left to our own devices, we are incapable of repairing the damage resulting from the Fall. Yes, despite best efforts of philosophers, psychologists, sociologists, scientists, politicians, and religionists (especially) we find ourselves constantly on a downward trajectory.

So, is there any hope ?

I believe there is … despite our brokenness & rebellion God, who created us, and loves mankind as the pinnacle of His creation, provided the only answer to our epic fail. He sent His Son to be the Saviour of the world.

An early Christian writer, St Paul, put it this way: “… sin came into the world through one man, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all sinned … because of one man’s trespass, death reigned through that one man …” BUT Paul continues: “… much more have the grace of God and the free gift by the grace of that one man Jesus Christ abounded for many … much more will those who receive the abundance of grace and the free gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man, Jesus Christ …”

There is a way for mankind to rise from the ashes of defeat, from the debacle of failure, for although ‘the wages of sin is death’ we also discover that ‘the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ, our Lord’.

These ‘quotes’ are taken from St Paul’s letter to the Romans – described by E W Bullinger as ‘the ABC of the Gospel’ – and which I heartily recommend to you. Here’s a link to take you directly to this much-treasured document, where you will discover more of the amazing grace of God & His gospel (good news) which is ‘the power of God, bringing salvation to those who believe’ …

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Romans%201&version=NIV

Happy reading !!!

Being Up-titrated !

You know how I love new words, well …

… back in July, after a Facebook post about my medication increase, a good and learned friend commented: “Great, you’re getting all the added benefits of up-titration (as we call it in the trade)“. I have to admit this was ‘foreign language’ to me. So, eagerly looking it up I found a very clear and helpful definition courtesy of The Cleveland Clinic in Ohio, US. Here I quote: “Titration is a way to limit potential side effects by taking time to see how your body will react to a drug. In titration, the medication is started at a low dose. Every couple of weeks (or so) the dose is raised (‘up-titrated’) until the maximum effective dose (‘target dose) has been achieved …”

In my research I also came across these guidelines, entitled:

The NHS Protocol for Titration of Beta Blockers for Heart Failure:

How to use:
• Ensure patient has stable mild to moderate HF
• Start with low dose & double dose at not less than 2 weekly intervals
• Aim for target dose or highest tolerated dose (some beta blocker is better than none)
• Monitor heart rate, blood pressure, & clinical status (especially signs of breathlessness, swelling, body weight increase)
• Blood test to check kidney function 1-2 weeks after initiation

Advice to patients:
• Explain the benefits – given as much to prevent worsening HF as to improve symptoms &
increase survival
• Temporary side effects may occur during initiation/up titration phase
• Advise patient to report any increasing breathlessness, fatigue, swelling or weight gain, but stress that it can usually be managed by adjustment of other medication; patients should be advised not to stop beta-blockers without first consulting the clinician
• Consult clinician in the event of persistent weight gain occurring

What became immediately obvious and heartening to me is that my brilliant personal cardiac nurse, Michelle, carefully employed ‘best practise’ in my treatment, following protocols described above to the letter. This I’ve appreciated enormously, considering the potential side-effects of the particular medication in question, listed in the package leaflet:

Common side effects can include headaches, dizziness, feeling light-headed, weakness, fatigue, cold hands & feet, sickness, diarrhoea or constipation

Serious side effects could include shortness of breath (especially when exercising), swollen ankles/legs, chest pain, irregular heartbeat, wheezing, tightening of chest (which can be signs of lung problems) yellow skin or whites of eyes turning yellow (signs of possible liver problems), sleep disturbances, depression, muscle cramps.

Thankfully, I can report that side effects have been minimal – some light-headedness (days within each dose increase, but short-lived) fatigue and some sleep disturbance – but none of those other ‘nasties’ mentioned above occurred in the 5-month long process between mid-March and August when the ‘target dosage’ of 10mg daily was successfully attained. The outcome in my case it seems is that ‘up-titration’ has facilitated maximal tolerability (10mg) to the Bisoprolol Fumarate.

~~~~~

REFLECTING on this experience it occurs that over many, many years I’ve been the beneficiary of what may be termed “spiritual up-titration”. I’m finding a “stretched similarity” with the phenomenon formally known among theologians as “sanctification” – that long, slow (and in my case, painful) process beginning at ‘conversion’ in February 1967 and continuing to this day, with the intention of transforming me into someone more resembling Jesus Christ.

Oh, I acknowledge there have been loads of set-backs, and lots of static (even stagnant) periods, due to my propensity for poor choices, selfishness, laziness, rebellion and other unsavoury characteristics. So, clearly I’m not talking ‘quick fixes’ here, nor suggesting anything that produces instant maturity. As one of my favourite Christian authors teaches in his classic work, “A Long Obedience In The Same Direction”. Eugene Peterson typically identifies in this work a major problem for travellers on the Way – which is both spiritual and cultural. “Everyone is in a hurry”, he writes, “the persons I lead in worship, among who I counsel, visit, pray, preach and teach, want shortcuts … they have adopted the lifestyle of a tourist and only want the high points“.

All that said, I can testify that, step by step, little by little, line upon line there is a metamorphosis occurring – I may not be what I should be, but most certainly I am not what I used to be. I simply love the description shared by St Paul in one of his letters in our New Testament. Writing to the church at Corinth he declares: “And we all (i.e. believers) with unveiled faces, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.” – 2 Corinthians 3:18.

That’s exactly it – the process of being transformed (up-titrated, even ?) from one degree of glory to another. I find it not without significance that the word translated ‘transformed’ here is the exact word translated ‘transfigured’ in the amazing account of Jesus’ Transfiguration – literally ‘metamorphosed’ – such is the magnitude of the change taking place in Christ-followers as they co-operate with the Spirit of God.

Other translations have:

“…we are becoming more like Him with ever-increasing glory …” – International Standard Version

“… our lives gradually becoming brighter and more beautiful as God enters our lives and we become like Him …” – The Message Bible

“… we are being transfigured into His very image as we move from one brighter level of glory to another …” – The Passion Translation

I’m mindful of similar Bible passages which speak of God’s purpose in this way – here are a couple of examples:

“God knew what He was doing from the very beginning. He decided from the outset to shape the lives of those who love Him along the same lines as the life of His Son. The Son stands first in the line of humanity He restored. We see the original and intended shape of our lives there in Him.” – Romans 8:29 from The Message Bible

“My dear friends, we are now God’s children, but it is not yet clear what we shall become. But we know that when Christ appears, we shall be like Him, because we shall see Him as He really is.” – 1 John 3:2 from the Good News Bible

There’s the “target dose” (if you like) – Christ-likeness, which will be fully realised when we finally behold him. So, now it dawns on me that I share precisely the same hope as the psalmist, who exclaimed excitedly: “As for me, I shall behold Your face in righteousness; when I awake, I shall be satisfied with Your likeness” – Psalm 17:15

OH, YES – I’m being up-titrated !!

Loose Cannons (Unabridged)

Days before warships were equipped with fixed-turret guns they carried muzzle-loading cannons as their primary offensive weapons. Mounted on wheels these could be rolled back and forth between gun-ports. A gun not properly restrained could break loose, either from the force of recoil, or from the buffeting of the vessel in choppy waters. Rolling dangerously about deck it presented a major hazard to sailors and soldiers alike. Consider the huge damage and potential loss of life such an unfettered weapon might inflict on its own !

Vividly imagined by writer Victor Hugo in his 1874 novel entitled, “Ninety Three” here’s his description of a cannon being tossed about following a violent incident onboard ship:

“The carronade (cannon), hurled forward by the pitching (of the vessel), dashed into this knot of men, and crushed four at the first blow; then, flung back and shot out anew by the rolling, it cut in two a fifth poor fellow … The enormous cannon was left alone. She was given up to herself. She was her own mistress, and mistress of the vessel. She could do what she willed.”

How gross is that !!

Now used metaphorically of “dangerously uncontrollable persons” – those who shun all forms of accountability, yet are motivated by a desire to manipulate and control others – “loose cannons” appear in all walks of life. This particular usage was first attributed to US president Theodore Roosevelt (1901-9) who said of himself: “I don’t want to be the old cannon loose on the deck in the storm“.

Christianity has certainly suffered more than its fair share of “loose cannons” over the course of its 2000 years history, free-wheeling their “ministries” both within and beyond church. Mostly men, but not exclusively, who through their unteachable and independent spirit contrive to wreak havoc in lives, and leave a trail of destruction and damaged people in their wake.

In his third very brief letter, of one chapter, the Apostle John writes of an early-day “loose cannon”: “Diotrephes, who loves to be first among them, does not accept what we say … I will call attention to his deeds which he does, unjustly accusing us with wicked words; and not satisfied with this, he himself does not receive the brethren, either, and he forbids those who desire to do so and puts them out of the church.”

This is spiritual abuse, and should be exposed and resisted ruthlessly wherever it exists today. It contrasts so markedly with the Lord Jesus, who in the Gospel incident cited below clearly indicates what authentic spiritual leadership should look like in His Kingdom.

MATTHEW chapter 20 verses 20-28 (English Standard Version) Then the mother of the sons of Zebedee came up to him with her sons, and kneeling before him she asked him for something. And he said to her, “What do you want?” She said to him, “Say that these two sons of mine are to sit, one at your right hand and one at your left, in your kingdom.” Jesus answered, “You do not know what you are asking. Are you able to drink the cup that I am to drink?” They said to him, “We are able.” He said to them, “You will drink my cup, but to sit at my right hand and at my left is not mine to grant, but it is for those for whom it has been prepared by my Father.” 

And when the ten heard it, they were indignant at the two brothers. But Jesus called them to him and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

There we have it – servant-hood, self-giving, sacrifice – all exemplified in Jesus Himself – as outstanding hallmarks of spiritual leadership. Let the Master’s own words speak for themselves and may we pay close attention.

It does make me seriously question whether “loose cannons” will find themselves among that group of people mentioned in another Gospel passage, in which St. Matthew quotes Jesus’ words from the famous Sermon on the Mount: “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves. You will recognize them by their fruits. Are grapes gathered from thorn bushes, or figs from thistles? So, every healthy tree bears good fruit, but the diseased tree bears bad fruit. A healthy tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a diseased tree bear good fruit … Thus you will recognize them by their fruits. Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.'”

Oh yes, ‘that Day’ will reveal all …

So, with those chilling words of Jesus resounding in our hearts here’s the challenge we face, and the plea I would make:

• If your life has been blighted by the activity of a “loose cannon”, please know that there is a place of healing, recovery and restoration. It will mean following the path of forgiveness, and receiving the grace of God to move forward into a healthy and mature walk with Him.

• Conversely, if you will recognize the “loose cannon” tendency in your own attitudes and actions, and that you may have crossed the line of what is appropriate, damaging those around you in the process, then please know that there is a place of repentance, forgiveness, humility and genuine accountability to be reached for.

My prayer is for vibrant, healthy, mature believers who do the Father’s Will …. Amen

~~~~~

P.S. UNABRIDGED because an extension and development of an earlier Facebook post !

The Fire Still Burns

My initial experience of “The Pilgrim’s Progress” by John Bunyan was a series of dramatised radio broadcasts, for children, in the 1950s. I was a patient, aged 7, in a Sheffield hospital, being treated for a serious kidney problem – nephritis. The programmes were transmitted every weekday morning, and intrigued me with the varying characters, particularly Christian, and their exploits.

In October 2020 a passage from this great classic came strongly to mind while I was reflecting on Psalm 92:10b: “I have been anointed with fresh oil“.

It was the incident occurring in the House of the Interpreter, and here it is:

~~~~~

A Fire Burning Against the Wall

“Then I saw in my dream, that the Interpreter took Christian by the hand, and led him into a place where was a fire burning against the wall, and one standing by it, always casting much water upon it, to quench it; yet did the fire burn higher and hotter.

Then said Christian, ‘What means this?’

The Interpreter answered, ‘This Fire is the Work of Grace that is wrought in the heart; he that casts water upon it, to extinguish and put it out, is the Devil: but in that you see the fire notwithstanding burn higher and hotter, you will also see the reason of that.’

So he led him about to the backside of the wall, where he saw a Man with a Vessel of Oil in his hand, of which, he did also continually cast (but secretly) into the fire.

Then said Christian, ‘What means this?’

The Interpreter answered, ‘This is Christ, who continually with the Oil of His Grace maintains the work already begun in the heart: By the means of which, notwithstanding what the Devil can do, the souls of His people prove gracious still. And in that you saw, that the Man stood behind the wall to maintain the Fire; this is to teach you, that it is hard for the Tempted to see how this Work of Grace is maintained in the soul.’“

~~~~~

~~~~~

From a personal perspective I note, that, in spite of the enemy’s many attempts to put out what God started, the fire still burns in me – on occasion it’s been as low as a smouldering wick, and has often needed desperately that fresh ‘anointing of oil’ referred to in the Psalm referenced above – yet it still burns, thanks to the faithful work of Christ, in providing constant encouragement and motivation through the many means of grace – not least the Scriptures, and His Body – the Church.

Especially have I needed His gracious ‘work’ over the past 12 months as I have faced critical moments and serious pressures and temptations due to the global pandemic; as I have been seriously limited in normal church connections; and as my mental well-being has come under threat from so many angles – most notably requiring a heart pacemaker in December 2020.

I know that my readers will identify with these challenges and countless others not mentioned here, and so it is my sincere prayer that each of you will find, in these trying circumstances, that ‘His grace is sufficient’; that His ‘strength is made perfect in weakness’; and that you will come into ‘a place of abundance’ – indeed, ‘seeing the goodness of God in the land of the living.’ Meanwhile if it would help to chat you will always find me available – initially through this site.

God bless and keep you

Me And My Pacemaker – our growing attachment

Here I have attempted to write a personal narrative expressing the goodness of God over recent weeks. I believe this will serve me in two ways: first, by becoming an aide-mémoire, second, by providing therapeutic properties for my heart and mind.

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Symptoms

Breathlessness, significant energy loss, a chest infection and throaty cough, ‘prickly skin’ (but no rash) at night – all conspired, along with my wife’s insistent bullying, to constrain me to call my local surgery asking for a GP appointment. Not as simple as it sounds while in the icy grip of a global pandemic, which has played havoc with social norms, especially relating to the National Health Service. Unsurprisingly my first attempt met with, ‘If you want a telephone appointment you will need to phone at 8am on Monday’ – (this was Friday morning)

Obliging, at the stated time on Monday (14/12) I called the surgery, only to hear an answering machine, repeating, ‘Your call is important to us, please wait for the next available agent’.  More than 20 minutes pass, and I’m on the brink of hanging up when the phone is answered by a real human being. I briefly explain the symptoms. I’m advised there are only telephone appointments because of Covid-19 and I’ll be put on the list for a slot between 9 and 12. I ask if I may have a more precise time, which I’m told is not possible as the GP cannot predict how long each call may take. I seek re-assurance that I’m on the list and this is given.

Consultations

A doctor I didn’t know called around 10.30am and we talked for 30 minutes or so. I was asked to give blood at the Keepmoat Stadium (Doncaster Rovers FC) which I did that afternoon. Early the following morning (15/12) I read these remarkable, and pertinent, words among my allotted Psalms of the day: “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever” – Psalm 73:26 … they were accompanied with a special sense of peace.

The surgery contacted me a day later, asking me to go in to discuss my blood results with Dr Umapathee, and to have an ECG. Thankfully I was free to do so. After many searching questions and a thorough examination, Dr Uma indicated that he thought we were dealing with “the beginning of heart failure”. I could hardly believe this, in spite of having seen the above-mentioned Scripture verse the previous day, but Dr Uma went on to say he would arrange for me to speak to a Cardiologist, and to get a Chest X-ray. In fact this was done very quickly – a telephone appointment made with a Cardiologist for Christmas Eve, and a Chest X-ray scheduled for New Years’ Eve.

I must admit the next few days were a bit of a blur, as Sue and I talked together, chatted with friends and sent out requests for prayer. We received many encouraging messages of support on social media, and during my devotions through this time several passages of Scripture stood out to me. As I approached my 69^th birthday (Sunday 20^th Dec) I was moved particularly by phrases which spoke of being ‘even more fruitful’ and of ‘still bearing fruit in old age’.

Wired For Evidence

On Monday 21^st I received a call from the Cantley Health Centre asking if I could collect a 24-hr monitoring device. Unknown to me Dr Uma had also requested this on my behalf. I was able to collect it that day and was ‘wired for evidence’ at around 4pm. The pendant-shaped device was hung around my neck and attached by several wires to my chest area. This meant I didn’t manage much sleep during that night due to considerable discomfort.

I returned the monitor, as agreed by 3pm the day after. Then, for the next few hours, we drove to friends and relatives delivering Christmas presents, and on the return journey diverted to Sainsbury’s to do some shopping. Moments after arriving home I was called by Sarah Ashurst of Broomwell Healthwatch, Manchester. She explained that they received results from 24-hour monitoring devices, and after studying my results she was extremely concerned to see abnormal patterns which suggested I had “entire heart block”. She had tried contacting me for a couple of hours and urgently advised me to get to A&E at the Doncaster Royal Infirmary immediately, taking an overnight bag. Within 30 minutes of her call we were on our way.

A&E and CCU

I registered at A&E around 7.15pm, but Sue was unable to stay due to Covid-19 restrictions. It looked rather busy, and I wondered how long I’d have to wait. After around 45 minutes it came to mind to investigate if my ‘results’ had come through from Manchester. When I mentioned ‘entire heart block’ to the receptionist she took me straight away into the treatment area. My ‘notes’ were being typed up by a staff member, who, after ascertaining more details, allocated a trolley and quickly had me wired up for an ECG. Minutes later I was wheeled through to the Resus. Department, where I was fitted with a cannula and put on a monitor. It was clear they were acting with appropriate urgency and care.

Lots of questions and readings later I was administered a ‘potion’ intended to increase my heart rate, which they were extremely worried about. Around 10pm the senior consultant, Dr Singh came around and said, “You are very lucky, they have a bed for you on the Coronary Care Unit (CCU) and you will be transferred there shortly.” By 11pm I was installed in a 3-bed bay on CCU (also Ward 18). Two of the beds were already occupied by elderly ladies. I was not permitted to use the toilet facilities, even though they were opposite my bed, but handed a bottle to relieve myself – perhaps the most difficult manoeuvre in the entire drama !

Questions and more questions, wires, monitors, comings and goings, buzzings, bleeps, ringings, groans & coughs from the other patients. A drip was set up to keep me hydrated. I was offered food at 12.30am, so opted for a cheese sandwich with crisps and a cup of tea. Throughout the night I was observed every hour – BP, temperature, pulse, oxygen sats, with little or no sleep possible in between, until 5am when the observation regime changed to every 2 hrs.

Introduced to my Pacemaker

After the day shift started around 7.30am there was a noticeable increase of activity. Russ introduced himself: “I’m the nurse who will be looking after you today”. I was provided a basin & water for ablutions, then a breakfast of cornflakes & tea. The regular observations continued until the morning’s main event – the doctor’s round. Arriving at the foot of my bed around 10am the young-looking consultant informed me that I was to be fitted with a pacemaker, and hopefully there would be a slot available that day, if not I would be kept in until Wednesday, after the Christmas break. This obviously focussed my mind and prayers ! I enquired about ‘entire heart block’. He explained how the upper & lower heart chambers had stopped talking to each other. “What caused this”, I asked and was told it was ‘wear and tear’. “So you’re telling me I’m getting old ?’ I quipped, then ‘Don’t worry, I can take it !’ – the consultant smiled wryly and simply moved on !!!

An hour later information came through that indeed a slot was available that afternoon for me to have the procedure. “You’re a very lucky man” was the nurse’s comment as she broke the good news. I learned later that a senior Cardiologist would be doing the procedure. Apparently Dr Gill Payne was called in to do a similar procedure for a local Councillor and had agreed to fit me in ! I would describe this as ‘divine’ rather than ‘luck’.

After this confirmation I was prepared for Cath Labs. given a strong anti-biotic to prevent infection, and by 1pm I was being fitted with a pacemaker after a local anaesthetic. The atmosphere in theatre was totally relaxed throughout with constant conversation and lots of banter among the team. We chatted about various subjects: comments on the procedure; questions about family, about favourite music – e.g. Dr Payne asked; “Who is the world’s greatest guitarist ?”

After 30-40 minutes I was back in CCU, but not permitted to leave the bed for an hour or so. My first ‘adventure’ was to the loo opposite, which I found an immense relief. Then it was off for a chest X-ray to confirm all was well. The only really negative moment of my stay in hospital was a 40-minute wait for a porter to return me to CCU after the X-ray. After a sandwich and some fruit, I was told that I would be moving to another bay (4 beds) with a couple of elderly men. During the move I discovered my mobile phone, which I thought I’d left at home, as I was unable to locate it the previous evening, and was able to make contact with Sue. We exchanged texts for quite some time. The move did make for an easier night, with only occasional disruption (every 4-5 hours for observations)

Christmas

The next day was Christmas Eve. Breakfast was offered and I enquired if there were eggs on the menu – only to be given a bit of a stare by the care assistant. “Oh sorry, it’s not the Hilton is it, we’re at DRI aren’t we?” I laughed. I’m not sure it went down too well (sometimes you can’t tell when a person is wearing a mask !) There was talk of going home, but it seemed I would have to wait for the doctor’s say so. After waiting until around 10am the staff nurse came in & told me I could contact Sue to come for me, as I was being discharged. The doctor didn’t need to see me after all, and in fact I could have gone home the previous evening. After Sue arrived we gave the Unit a Christmas gift, a tin of biscuits. We were home for midday. As I was unable to connect to the internet while in hospital, I spent ages just looking at messages of support on e-mail and social media, being amazed and uplifted to read so many messages from family, friends and acquaintances.

Now, questions turned to what to do about our plans to visit family in Chesterfield for Christmas Day. Already plans had been re-shaped because of the Covid-19 pandemic, and the restrictions of living in Tier 3. This was certain to be a Christmas like no other. A decision was then made easy for us when a near-neighbour came round and offered to provide Christmas Dinner for us, due to a change in their own circumstances. It was a no-brainer – we would cancel our proposed visit to Chesterfield (not that I felt up to travelling !) Later, on Christmas Eve afternoon I was really blessed by the showing on TV of my favourite film, Shadowlands – remarkable for the performances by Anthony Hopkins and Debra Winger.

Christmas Day, although unusual, was a great blessing – remembering the reason for the season through carols; exchanging gifts with Sue; chatting and drinking with neighbours, Linda and Stuart, who came round to us; eating a lovely Christmas Dinner, provided by Jackie and Steve, and delivered straight to our door; watching ‘Call The Midwife’ – along with other very restful things.

Family

Though prevented, by restrictions and health considerations, from seeing either of our children (Mark or Miriam) over Christmas, nonetheless we were really blessed by Mark’s brief visit with two of the grandsons – Oliver & Jacob – on 29^th December as we celebrated Oliver’s 12^th birthday. They didn’t stay long, but it was so refreshing to see them. Then, on New Years’ Day we got to see our daughter, Miriam, with her husband.

Epiphany

A Christian Feast on Wednesday 6^th January which commemorates the visit of the Magi (wise men) to see Jesus – I posted about this Bible story on Facebook: “Reason took them to Jerusalem, but revelation led them to Bethlehem“. This year Epiphany coincided with the start of England’s third major lockdown, another attempt of the UK government to stop the spread of the virus. My readings in the Psalms included Psalm 27, which starts with, “The LORD is my light and my salvation…” and the stand-out verse was v.13, which states: “I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.” I took great encouragement from those words with their ‘prophetic significance’.

Onward And Upward

Writing this final section three weeks after the pacemaker was fitted I can say that it has made an immediate difference to my quality of life. Although I’m only very slowly getting used to it, and still feeling some discomfort, I have not had any breathing problems, and have been taking regular walks around the village (and on Tuesday 12^th January even further afield) with my energy levels rising each day.

I was asked the other day: “How are you feeling now you’ve had a few days to reflect?” – well, I’m feeling greatly relieved, superbly relaxed and enormously grateful … yes, I am so grateful:

• to all who offered prayer and support;
• to the wonderful staff at Doncaster Royal Infirmary’s A&E and CCU departments;
• to my long-suffering wife for her unfailing support;
• to the Lord for restoring me to health through the amazing work of the NHS

And finally … thanks to all who managed to read this far – you’re true heroes !!